


Way Back In Days Of Old

by christinefromsherwood



Series: MI6 Cafe April 2020 Challenge [5]
Category: Galavant (TV), James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Alternate Universe - Galavant, Bond is Galavant, Crack, Eve is Bond's squire, Gen, Humour, Past James Bond/Madeleine Swann - Freeform, Q is the prince of Valencia, the rest is Q's POV on their first meeting, two rewritten songs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:49:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23787370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/christinefromsherwood/pseuds/christinefromsherwood
Summary: Way back in days of oldThere was a legend toldAbout a hero known as Bond, James BondSquare jaw and piercing eyes,Watch how the fandom sighs,There was no hero quite like Bond, James Bond...
Relationships: James Bond/Madeleine Swann
Series: MI6 Cafe April 2020 Challenge [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1692931
Comments: 18
Kudos: 9
Collections: MI6 Cafe Collections





	Way Back In Days Of Old

**Author's Note:**

  * For [soufflegirl91](https://archiveofourown.org/users/soufflegirl91/gifts).



> > written for the [MI6CafeChallenge: Choose Your Own Adventure April. ](https://mi6cafe.wordpress.com/2020/04/01/choose-your-own-adventure-april/) **2\. The Moonraker Marshes: Create a Bond AU you’ve never seen before I've finished the CHALLEEEENGE!! WOOO!**
> 
> Errr, this probably won't be fun for you if you haven't seen Galavant, the excellent TV show with so many tropes you'd think it was fanfic. If you haven't seen Galavant, go watch it. And then you can come read this fic and thank me for the recommendation in the comments. :D Yup, I'm that confident you'll love the show.  
> for Souffle: *cackles so very evilly* 

Way back in days of old  
There was a legend told   
About a hero known as Bond, James Bond   
Square jaw and piercing eyes,   
Watch how the fandom sighs,   
There was no hero quite like Bond, James Bond

Tough, plus every other manly value  
Diss his ears, he'll disembowel you   
Yay, he ruled in every way   
A double-oh cliche   
And people called him Bond, James Bond

The man we're speaking of  
He had a lady love   
And Madeleine, well, she was damn near perfect   
Long legs and doctorate   
Plus lactose tolerant   
With allegiance you could always trust in

Ah, true love was never this ecstatic  
Nor as wildly acrobatic   
Yes! He loved her to excess   
Once on a horse no less   
And she'd be screaming “ Double Oh!"

One tiny problem soon would arise:  
Le Chiffre, a nearby king of wealth and stature   
He watched Madeleine with blood in his eye   
And he asked her for her hand   
Well, more like a demand   
Well, more like had his henchmen snatch her

Which brings us to today  
The royal wedding day   
No one can stop it now but Bond, James Bond   
Poor Madeleine she waits   
Behind King Le Chiffre’s gates   
For the arrival of her Bond, James Bond

Now, at last, begins our true adventure  
Epic, wild, a real butt-clencher!   
So, huzzah and tally ho!   
Sit back and here we go!   
Read the AU of Bond, James Bond

* * *

To say that Q had been “underwhelmed” would be understating it.

Even “disappointed” felt too soft. He was… well, _stunned_ perhaps expressed it best. 

Avoiding the innkeeper’s sharp gaze, he got a goblet of mead from the bar and went to sit at a table. 

Eve… Eve had seemed nice. Bond was a prick, he could tell that from the first moment he saw him. But the squire seemed like a genuinely nice human being and it was for her sake that Q found himself hoping Bond wouldn’t come. 

* * *

_The first thing that hit him was the smell. He’d asked the girl several times if she was_ sure _she was leading him to the right house but she’d only smiled tightly and assured him that she really was this man’s squire, and as far as Q could judge that at least seemed true._

_“Sir, there’s someone here to see you.”_

_“Go away, Eve!”_

_Whether the lump of stinking blankets and greasy clothing really was the knight Q was looking for was another question. That was the second thing he’d noticed: the dirt and the clutter._

_It was everywhere._

_On his journey he’d had to sleep in some rough places but to know that someone would actually_ choose _to live like this!_

_“He brings with him an opportunity and I would beg you to meet with him.”_

_“I’m not meeting anyone, Eve.” One blue eye opened. Then a meaty paw emerged from the rank blankets to scratch at a flea bite under one enormous ear._

_Q really wished he could just leave._

_“Well that’s too bad because he’s here,” the squire chirped. “May I present Prince Aquila Glaucia Iovita Pelagia-”_

_“Gius,” Q said, sighing. No, leaving really wasn’t an option. He painted a smile on his face._

_“-Gius of Valencia.”_

_“What.”_

_“Call me Q,” he said and paused before continuing. He could see the gears shift behind those glassy eyes. ‘Yes, the Q is from Aquila,’ he wanted to bark. ‘It’s not that big of a stretch!’ But that also wasn’t an option._

Seduce him, if you have to _, he’d told himself before getting up that morning._ He’s handsome and fit and, according to the songs, amazing in bed. It won’t be such a hardship _._

_But after getting a whiff of the famous Sir Bond, James Bond, Q found himself hoping most fervently he wouldn’t have to._

_He took a deep breath and instantly regretted it, still he began:_

_“Sir Bond, I have traveled long and far to seek your favor. Four months ago, my peaceful kingdom of Valencia…” Q trailed off. Bond was lying on his back with one arm covering his eyes and his mouth open. “Sorry, are you asleep?”_

_“No, but I wish I was. Go away, princeling.” Oh for fuck’s sake. Q had heard that Madeleine’s betrayal had upset the man but no one had warned him what a prick he was._

_“As I was saying: Four months ago, my kingdom fell under attack from a rival land. My people were taken captive. My entire family, either killed, or imprison-”_

_“Well, that’s awful, just awful. Sounds like you need to go find a shoulder to cry on. M, our innkeeper, is an excellent listener. Eve can show you the way to the tavern. Goodbye, princeling!”_

_Q was so close to simply walking away; the squire-girl was watching him with wide sad eyes. Instead, he gritted his teeth and continued:_

_“Before being captured, my father hid me in the cellar and handed me the priceless Jewel of Valencia. I hid in that cellar for months as my family was slaughtered above me. I now offer you this priceless jewel, all that my country has left to offer. I throw myself at your mercy, Sir Bond! Please... Save my people.”_

_“Oh you’re still here? I thought I told Eve to show you to the tavern.”_

_Q smiled sweetly. “Well, that’s where I’ll be if you change your mind, gallant sir.”_

* * *

And so Q sat in a tavern, sipping his mead, and turning the sparkling green jewel in his hands, he avoided the steely eyes of the grey haired woman behind the bar. She knew something was up. He had no idea how but she knew.

Q shuddered when he remembered Le Chiffre’s breath on his neck, the clench of his fingers against his shoulder, his voice hissing in his ear:

“You will go and find James Bond. Tell him that I, king Le Chiffre, have invaded your kingdom. Offer to pay him with the jewel. When that doesn't work, I want you to tell him how you hid in the cellar beneath my bedchamber for four months. How you listened to the cruel Le Chiffre scream at his wife about her abysmal baking skills. Tell him how Madeleine then fell asleep sobbing each night, calling out: ‘Bubble, dough, leaven!’ Bond’s a simpleton, he’ll think you’ve misheard me and what she actually said was…”

Well, Q had no idea what kind of a pet name Double-Oh Seven was, but the king had been insistent that was what Madeleine used to call Bond in bed and Q wasn’t about to argue with his parents’ lives on the line.

The tavern door flew open and Bond staggered in, unkempt and wild-eyed. Q felt a momentary sting of pity at leading him into a trap.

* * *

And so begins our plot  
Of which there's quite a lot   
With Prince Q stringing our James Bond   
And with the evil king prepared to do his thing   
And with the queen still pretty sure he can't   
And, with Bond about to start his journey   
Alternate and universe-y!   
Oh, it's lots of plot, we know!   
But here it ends, hi ho!   
Onto other fics I go!   
Go and write on your own   
Just search Netflix for some Galava-a-a-a-nt!

**Author's Note:**

>  **So I know this was really silly, but let me know if you liked it even a little bit?**  
>  Here's another rec list of 00q fun for your viewing pleasure:
> 
>   * [All the Curves And Edges](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22662337) by christinefromsherwood _\- established!00q, misunderstanding, brief angst then floof_
>   * [Souffle's Choose Your Own Adventure April](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1691788) by SouffleGirl91 _\- a series of excellent 00q creations_
>   * [Honey](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19763977) by christinefromsherwood _\- established 00q, a short fic full of puns, because James Bond is obsessed with them_
>   * [Emergency Portkeys and the Redacted Files at MI6](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19990858) by Sapphire_Princess _\- an excellent Harry Potter AU with 00q!!!_
>   * [A beautiful game](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23398009) by FaerieChild _\- who knew James Bond was a football fan? who knew that could make an excellent funny fic? Faerie, that's who._
> 



End file.
